


You Say All Of The Words They Wanna Hear (It Isn't Real)

by RegularGatsby



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, ???? - Freeform, Angst, Friendship, Internalized Homophobia, Unrequited Love, idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 20:12:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11928375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegularGatsby/pseuds/RegularGatsby
Summary: 5 times Isak doesn't tell Jonas about what's going on, and 1 time he tells him everything





	You Say All Of The Words They Wanna Hear (It Isn't Real)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not too sure about posting this? It isn't exactly quality content™ but I hope you enjoy it anyway???  
> (also I haven't edited or reread this except for like glancing over it whilst fixing the format so please lemme know if i've made any mistakes or something)
> 
> title from Each Time You Fall In Love - Cigarettes After Sex

[19:46] Jonas:

_Do you think that by smoking weed we are not only indulging the capitalistic ideals of drug lords, but even encouraging them?_

[19:47] Isak:

_Dude. What the fuck._

Isak stares at his screen waiting for a response, a little annoyed. Jonas was supposed to have gotten the weed almost an hour ago so that he could bring it over, and him and Isak could’ve gotten a little high together to ease Jonas’ nerves about meeting Eva’s mother. Isak would never admit it to himself, much less anyone else, but he just wanted to spend time with Jonas alone for a change. A darker part of him even wanted Jonas to forget about the dinner just because he was hanging out with Isak.

It’s not that he didn’t like Eva, in fact she had become his friend even outside of her relationship with Jonas but-

He just couldn’t. He couldn’t look at her and not resent her the tiniest bit because she had what Isak wanted.

She had-

_Incoming Call - JONAS_

“Halla.”

“I’m just saying, man. The big guys with guns falling out of their custom tailored suits holding all the supply get most of the profit and sit in their riches whilst the poor fucker out selling drugs on the streets gets shit whilst risking their life, you know?”

“Jonas, you’re my bro so I’m going to let you in on a little secret, listen carefully, okay? I know it might shock you but life isn’t a fucking Narcos episode. Now are you actually trying to use capitalism as an excuse to not go to Ingrid’s to pick up the stuff?”

“I just feel bad for hiding all this shit from Eva, man. I don’t wanna fuck things up between us. I shouldn’t even be here, I should’ve been at her house 15 minutes ago finally meeting her mother.”

“You’ve met her mother before, Jonas.”

“You know it’s different now.”

“Man, there’s no way you won’t be super late so just call her and tell her you can’t make it. Eva’s a cool girl, she’ll understand.”

“I just don’t know, man. Whatever. It’s chill, I’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, man. Whatever happens, I’ll be here.” Pause. “I mean- if you wanna still come over and smoke.. or whatever.”

“I know you will, Issy.” Jonas says it almost softly and- Whatever that means, better not to dwell on it.

“Talk later, yeah?”

“Yeah, talk later.” Practically sighing out the words, because -fuck- he was dwelling, okay?

Sometimes Isak wonders if Jonas knows.

Knows how Isak’s heart beats faster when they sit pressed close together on the tram, or how his body goes cold when Jonas leans in sweetly to press a kiss to Eva’s lips whilst Isak sits right there, pining. Does Jonas know how Isak’s eyes linger on him longer than they should?

Maybe Jonas knows, but probably not.

In the rational part of Isak’s brain, he’s aware that Jonas loves him and would do everything he could to protect him. And if that means protecting Isak from heartache, Jonas would try his fucking best. Maybe he’d distance himself, not be as tactile, and maybe he’d stop mentioning his love life in front of Isak. Maybe he’d even wish he felt the same just so Isak could be happy. Because he's Jonas.

That’s not something Isak wants though. Through everything, no matter what, Isak wants to be Jonas’ friend first. He doesn’t want a potentially fleeting infatuation to create any distance between himself and Jonas.

Then there’s the scenario that Isak only allows his mind to think of for comfort when he’s been laying awake in his bed for too long, unable to sleep because his thoughts are overwhelming and hard to bare. The scenario where Jonas knows and doesn’t leave him, where he pulls him in for a hug and tells him that he’s been waiting for Isak to say something for a long time. The scenario where Jonas feels the same for Isak like Isak does for Jonas.

But that’s obviously just a farfetched fantasy, not meant for the real world. In the real world Isak wouldn’t get a happy ending with his best friend and everyone not caring about what he does with his affections; in the real world he’d be getting glares in the locker room from boys who’d sneer in disgust if he so much as glances in their direction and girls who would look at him with resentment and hurt, cursing at him for leading him on when he clearly wasn’t interested.

In the real world he wouldn’t get the boy, instead he’d get distance and a half-hearted explanation about why his best friend doesn’t wanna hang out with him anymore.

So he’ll bare it. He’ll bare the constant sex stories, and the touches he wishes meant more. He’ll put on a smile and carry on with his life without burdening Jonas with his fucking- fucking _gay_ shit.

He can’t risk losing Jonas.

Eventually he’ll move on from his stupid crush, and the world wouldn’t know any different.   

But for now he’s here, in his bedroom, the same one he’s had for the past sixteen years. There are weathered posters of boybands and newer shinier ones of rappers on the walls, a barely used skateboard against the wardrobe that contains at least a dozen shirts that he’s stolen from Jonas over the years. Pictures of himself growing up are scattered throughout the room, some with his parents, some with Jonas, some with people who’ve come and gone. Only one is in an actual picture frame though, it’s of himself, Jonas and Eva smiling brightly for the camera all huddled together on Eva’s bed. Eva gave to him as a birthday gift, looking at him keenly to see if he liked it, which he did of course, he had smiled at her almost as bright as he was in the picture and hugged her, Jonas looking on and saying some shit about being the three musketeers.

‘How original.’ Isak had scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Looking back, that was probably the last time he was truly happy - even then it had been a while since he had felt that.

He’s laying on his bed, as is usual for when his mind goes to a darker place, except he’s not staring at the ceiling but the lone picture frame that takes residence on his sidetable. He stares at it trying desperately to remember how it felt to feel loved and happy.

It clearly doesn’t work so he gets up from his bed, and decides to go for a walk to clear his head.

Just as he’s about to walk out the door his phone vibrates in his pocket.

[20:17] Jonas:

_Dude, I got the stuff._

[20:17] Isak:

_And what the hell took you so long? Eva’s gonna be pissed._

[20:18] Jonas:

_I called her and told her I can’t make it, if she asks I had to help my mum with something._

[20:18] Isak:

_That’s healthy._

[20:18] Jonas:

_I don’t need your judgement rn, Issy. Just your company._

[20:19] Isak:

_I guess I could do that…_

_Not my house tho, I’m tired of sitting at home._

[20:20] Jonas:

_Well I’m already outside so…_

_Just come out, we’ll take it from there._

_Find a park or something. Chill?_

He looks up from his phone and eyes the door in front of him, sees the vague outline of Jonas through the frosted glass and sighs.

[20:21] Isak:

_Chill._

 

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr [(x)](http://18and16.tumblr.com/)
> 
> pls leave a comment lol


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